No Way OutI'm fighting back tears.It's a simple act. Deep breath. Close your eyes. Open them. Flutter your eyelashes. Deep breath.I refuse to cry here.I will not cry in front of these people; they do not deserve to see me cry.I am calm.No, I'm not.I am angry. I am fighting back tears and the urge to 'lose it' - that is, to punch the nearest person in the face, to kick the next nearest between the legs, to swear and kick and scream and punch, to throw a table across the room.They're laughing, the sick bastards. They think this is a joke. They think the slander they yell across the room is funny.It isn't.I'm sick of the comments. The snide remarks on my appearence.I don't care if I'm fat.I don't care if I'm ugly.I don't care if my hair isn't perfect.I don't give a damn any more.I've tried crying for help, but as usual, they assume I cry wolf.I don't want to hear your latest rumour of what you assume my life revolves around - I am not the harlot you make me out to be.You try blendin
SleepSitting at the computer.Typing.Music in ears.Turn the volume up; Stop. Listen. Turn up again.MSN conversations; lol, kk, im good, wbtu?Lies.Stop. Listen. Shut the door.Type some more. Check Facebook.Stop. Listen. Open the door. Wince. Shut the door.Switch from website to website; Nothing interesting.Stop. Stand. Walk out of haven.Do your duty quietly.Ignore.Find the box; open. Glass of water.Go back to haven.Say goodnight, block friends.Stay talking to one who understands.Music again.Stop. Listen. Say goodnight.Walk out of haven.Find bed.Lay down, turn off lights, music in ears.Find kittens. Find puppy. Bring them to new haven.Sleep.
Safe PlaceHave you ever wanted to go somewhere safe, somewhere where you knew exactly what would happen next and how to deal with it?Somewhere where the people, although hostile, were known; where the environment, somewhat dangerous, was understood.Where you were appreciated.Where you knew you were smart, where you knew you were better.It sounds wrong, like you're so up yourself you always need to be the better one, the one with straight A's and thick books no one else could even comprehend, but you don't see it like that; you see it as proof to yourself you are special, you do deserve to be on this earth.You are intelligent and worth something, no matter what the teachers say.You're not stupid just because you can't see numbers right. You understand adding, subtracting, multiplucation and division, but they don't understand how hard it is; how the numbers switch around and the symbols don't look right and when it comes to algebra, percentages, fractions, decimals, Pythagoras, you're absol
She Will Be Loved - ThreeThree"When was the last time you saw Jamie-Lynn and Alice?" Jane asked me, looking drowsy from her place on the couch."Jamie-Lynn? A few weeks ago. Alice?...Hell, I haven't seen Ali for around a year. Why?" I stretched, looking up at her from my place on the floor."We should invite them around. Jamie-Lynn only ever got to see Alex once, and I miss Alice. She was always so fun. Do you know what they ended up doing?""They're still at college. Cheerleading, actually."Jane began to laugh. "Of course they're cheerleading, you idiot. Did they ever do anything else?"I just smiled up at her, standing. "We should get to bed, miss. You need time to heal, and sleeping is best for that.""Two bruises are hardly anything to heal." She replied crossly."You mean a very visible black eye and a bruise that stretches all the way down the left side of your face?""Shut up."I smirked, walking into my room and grabbing two pillows off my bed. Walking back out to the lounge, I tossed them to her."W
She Will Be Loved - TwoTwoI sat on the couch lazily, keeping an eye on Alex while Jane was in the shower. He was playing with a set of old matchbox cars I had found in the storage/spare room, sucking on a lollipop cheerfully. His face had been washed, his caramel-coloured hair brushed, and he had been given a new change of clothes. The result was dramatically different than the sobbing child I had held in my arms two hours previously. He looked like a happy, normal kid, the way he should."You wanna watch cartoons?" I asked him, and he nodded shyly. I flicked through the channels until a repeat of some Disney cartoon came onto the TV screen. His attention turned from the cars to the TV, and in minutes he was completely absorbed in the show. I sighed and picked up my cigarette lighter. Even though I didn't smoke, I still had one. Leaning back into the couch, I flicked it on, and off, on and off, staring at the tiny glimmer of flame for no more than three seconds at a time."Mumma says you shouldn't play with
She Will Be Loved - OneOneI stood impatiently near the toaster, trying to fix my tie and drink my coffee at the same time. The phone rang insistently in the background, but I ignored it, waiting for my toast. I pulled it out the second it was done, burning my fingers and swearing as I dumped it on the nearest plate.The phone began ringing again. With a frustrated sigh, I grabbed it and hit the 'take call' button, wondering who would call this early in the morning, and for what reason."Yo!" I said, trying to butter my toast one-handedly and failing miserably."James?" A shaky female voice answered me."Jane? Jane, what's wrong?" I stopped what I was doing. I had known Jane since we were kids - she was one of my closest friends. We drifted apart in highschool, especially after she got her 'serious' boyfriend, Adam, and ended up pregnant with his child at fifteen. The one thing I liked about Adam was that he didn't dump her and her baby, but instead got a job and worked to provide them with money. Apart from
Danger Aheadbreakingeach sleepless nighttormenttrustslowly dyingshattering everythinghidingsecret shamescannot tell, cannot showdeterminedmust save myselfmust not fallbreakingstay awakefor the angeltrustrescue me princessonly you knowhidingcan't let them seeall that i amdeterminedonly show the niceonly show the beautifuldanger aheadsave myselfbefore it's too late
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