FearIt slicesat your armsyour hips, your legsIt makes everyheartbeat so much fasterthump-thump, tha-thumpIt makes you digyour nails into your armslittle slivers of painIt makes each eye widefilled with emotion, such horrible emotionsomething you can't controlIt is so - so very dangerousfeel the danger, live the danger, breathelet fear control you.
MonsterI am not the traditional monsterwith razor-sharp clawsand fangs to match.I am the new monsterWith razor-sharp wordsand fists to match.I inflict pain with each word I speakI destroy loveI enjoy the suffering.I am a perversion of naturea cruel creaturea wrong creature.It would make so many lives betterand so less damage causedwhen I follow through with the plan.And all of us know this is truebecause, in realityI am better off dead.
MemoryI wishI could burn them out of my headbut they stayimprinted on my brainTeasingshowing me a flashof laughing times, happy timesA time I long for, but wish to forgetAnd thensomeone splatters red across the black-and-white pageand beautiful, good memoriesturn sour with true intentionsAfter thateverything was black and redor grey and bluedark colours, evil coloursIn some waysit reminds me of you,this darkness across each memoryI wish I could ignoreSomedayI will find a way to forgetbut for nowI'll stick with the bladeBecause it makes everything better.
If OnlyIf only;I knew I could trust someone.If only -that someone was you.If onlywe had stayed friends, forever.Just like a promise, we saidFriends Forever - for life - for more than lifeForever and eternityIf only...You knew every secret, all those little thingsI never told you.Would you think differently?Probably not.You knew the two out of three that almost ruined mebut that third one still haunts meand number four looms closer with each day.If only,I knew for sure you still read my dA postsI had some way to talk to you...without him getting involved.If only I was brave enough to take that first step tomorrowto try and speak to you, to try and say something -but I'm a coward. You know that. You know I would never.If onlyI trusted myselfTo not rely on secret number one, to not rely and othersto pick me up when i'm down.If only I could stop feeling, for just one day.If only.
On the EdgeI walk past my mirror. I turn, stop and stare.Too much fat here, not enough there. Acne. Messy, awful hair. Dark circles under each eye - they're starting to look like bruises. Hasn't anyone noticed them yet?I throw my blanket over the mirror. I hate mirrors. Hate my reflection.I resume my pacing. I can't think straight anymore - everything whirls around my head, builds higher and higher, until it all comes crashing back down, and one of my poor, beloved friends is left trying to calm me down over MSN.MSN. Evil. They blocked me on MSN.I flop down on my bed with a sigh. I stare at my left arm and the tops of my legs, sliding up my PJ pants so I can see them. One, two, three...I keep counting until I get to thirty-four. Thirty four scars.Too many scars. Not enough scars. I stare at the pocketknife hidden under my plushies, chewing my lip. No. Don't. My eyes drift to my desk, where a pair of scissors sits innocently. No.I leap back up, digging through my school bag. I need my scien