If OnlyIf only;I knew I could trust someone.If only -that someone was you.If onlywe had stayed friends, forever.Just like a promise, we saidFriends Forever - for life - for more than lifeForever and eternityIf only...You knew every secret, all those little thingsI never told you.Would you think differently?Probably not.You knew the two out of three that almost ruined mebut that third one still haunts meand number four looms closer with each day.If only,I knew for sure you still read my dA postsI had some way to talk to you...without him getting involved.If only I was brave enough to take that first step tomorrowto try and speak to you, to try and say something -but I'm a coward. You know that. You know I would never.If onlyI trusted myselfTo not rely on secret number one, to not rely and othersto pick me up when i'm down.If only I could stop feeling, for just one day.If only.
On the EdgeI walk past my mirror. I turn, stop and stare.Too much fat here, not enough there. Acne. Messy, awful hair. Dark circles under each eye - they're starting to look like bruises. Hasn't anyone noticed them yet?I throw my blanket over the mirror. I hate mirrors. Hate my reflection.I resume my pacing. I can't think straight anymore - everything whirls around my head, builds higher and higher, until it all comes crashing back down, and one of my poor, beloved friends is left trying to calm me down over MSN.MSN. Evil. They blocked me on MSN.I flop down on my bed with a sigh. I stare at my left arm and the tops of my legs, sliding up my PJ pants so I can see them. One, two, three...I keep counting until I get to thirty-four. Thirty four scars.Too many scars. Not enough scars. I stare at the pocketknife hidden under my plushies, chewing my lip. No. Don't. My eyes drift to my desk, where a pair of scissors sits innocently. No.I leap back up, digging through my school bag. I need my scien